


Return

by perpetual_wallflower



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-23
Updated: 2013-12-23
Packaged: 2018-01-05 16:59:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1096355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perpetual_wallflower/pseuds/perpetual_wallflower
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In Ian's absence, Mickey's done a lot of thinking and started bonding with the other Gallaghers. With his sudden return, Mickey has to finally face Ian.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Return

**Author's Note:**

  * For [jublelion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jublelion/gifts).



Ian had been gone three months. It’ll be April soon. Even though Lip had gone off to some fucking school in Boston or some bullshit place like that, Mandy still hung out at the Gallaghers’. After Mickey had had to look for her here enough times, he’d started hanging around while she finished watching movies or playing video games with Carl and Debbie. Then he’d started hanging out more. It was weird being around Fiona at first, but maybe it was because Lip and Ian weren’t around that she tolerated him and Mandy being there. She had gotten used to Mandy hanging around with Ian and Lip for the last few years. Now, though, he’d show up on his own and she didn’t seem to care as long as he didn’t start any shit and kept Carl from blowing himself up. That kid wasn’t so bad. He reminded him of himself when he was younger, except the Gallaghers actually all gave a shit about him. Growing up, it’d really only been him and Mandy who gave a shit about each other. They were still nothing like the Gallaghers, but it was something.   
  
He was coming back from the Gallaghers' upstairs toilet when he stopped in his tracks. Ian was in the middle of the living room, setting down his duffel bag.   
  
“Mickey? What are you doing here?” Ian asked, surprised to see him.  
  
“We were going to play Call of Duty,” Carl said, standing up. “He’s here all the time.”  
  
Mickey just stood there at the bottom of the stairs, staring at Ian standing in the middle of the room. He didn’t know what to say; he wasn’t sure how to act. Ian had just left, and Mickey really hadn’t been ready for Ian not to be around. These last few months had been shit without him here. Svetlana was a real bitch lately with all her fucking hormones because of the pregnancy, even though she wasn’t all bad. She and Mickey were kind of friends now, if you could call them that even. Their marriage was bullshit but it was enough to keep his father from bothering him any more than usual, and Svetlana was actually really excited about the baby. She didn’t give a shit if Mickey wanted to be involved or not. She just wanted to be a mom. She made good money at the massage parlor and she wanted the baby for herself. Being married to Mickey also helped keep her from getting deported, so the marriage was what it was. Being married was just a piece of paper to Mickey, same as he’d told Ian it would be. Svetlana had even told him a few times that he could fuck whoever he wanted, even if that meant he wanted to fuck guys. She really didn’t care what he did as long as she could do whatever she wanted too.   
  
“But why are you playing Call of Duty,” Ian looked between them, “here?”   
  
Mandy was sitting on the couch, painting Debbie’s nails black and watching him and Ian closely. She knew exactly what had been between them. Back in December, after a few punches to the face when she found out that Ian had really left, she’d gotten Mickey to tell her what was going on with them. She was pretty good at getting people to talk.  
  
Mickey couldn’t deal with this. There were a lot of things going through his head right now. The thing that shocked him the most was how much he wanted to kiss Ian. Mickey knew he’d missed fucking Ian, and he missed hanging out with him, but he didn’t realize how much he’d missed that. They hadn’t even kissed all that much before Ian had left, but it was the strongest urge he had right now.   
  
He had to leave. He couldn’t be here right now. Mickey bolted out the back door, not even stopping to grab his coat.   
  
\---   ---   ---   ---   ---  
  
It was dark and freezing outside. He’d thought about going home, but he didn’t want to deal with seeing his family or Svetlana right now if any of them were there. That was another reason he’d been spending so much time at the Gallaghers these past few months – he hadn’t want to see much of any of his family or her. Mandy was the only one he wanted to hang out around with Ian gone. Instead of going home, he’d walked off to that empty building he always used for target practice. He liked it there. It was quiet and he could think. He didn’t have to be what everyone expected him to be when he was there. He could just... be. That was how it was when he was around Ian. He could just be, no pretending. Ian really did see through all his bullshit.   
  
Mickey knew most of what he said was bullshit, but he wasn’t like Ian. He wasn’t brave enough to admit how he really felt. He hadn’t been that brave, anyway. When it came to what to he really wanted, he’d started to get a little braver, at least when he was alone. He’d let himself really think about things instead of just calling it all bullshit and making jokes. Mickey knew he really did care about Ian. He knew he needed him far more than he’d have really liked to admit.   
  
He was really fucking cold. Leaving his coat behind had been stupid. There was a mattress and a cheap blanket that he used sometimes when he crashed here when he didn’t want to go home, but it wasn't enough right now. He might be able to make a fire in one of the metal barrels, but he'd have to find something that he could burn, and there wasn't much wood left after all the times he’d made fires.   
  
“Motherfucker!” He picked up a rock and chucked it at one of the far walls. Why did Ian have to show up out of the blue? Why did Mickey have to be at the Gallaghers’ when he did? Why did Mickey want to hold him so much?  
  
“Mickey?” Ian called out from near the stairs. “Are you here?”  
  
“Go the fuck away! Go back to the fucking army!” Mickey yelled back before collapsing down onto a ratty old couch. But even as he sat there, he knew he didn't really mean it. He didn't mean half the things he'd said to Ian. Most of the time he had been a pussy about what he'd really felt. Sure, he was angry, but he didn’t really want Ian to leave. He didn’t ever want Ian to leave. He knew that now.   
  
“I’m sorry. I had to, okay? I couldn’t just stand around watching you and your pregnant wife play house while I was your fuck on the side. I know you care about me, but I can’t live my life waiting around for you to do something that isn’t insulting my desire to have normalcy.” Ian was only about a dozen yards away now. Mickey didn’t reply. He couldn’t really form a response that would say all that he needed to after everything they'd been through.   
  
Ian reached the couch and took a seat on the opposite end. “Please say something.” He held out his hand. “I brought your coat. It’s really cold – you shouldn’t have left it.”  
  
“I couldn’t stay there, with Carl and Debbie there.” Mickey tried to gather as much courage as he could. “I couldn’t stay there knowing what I might do.” He took the coat Ian had held out and put it on.   
  
“What you might do?” Ian asked.  
  
“What I wanted to do,” Mickey started. Then he paused and took a deep breath. “Want to do,” he added, barely over a whisper. He closed the distance between them and kissed him, pushing Ian back against the arm of the couch. Ian kissed him back, deepening the kiss immediately and making Mickey moan.   
  
“Missed you,” Mickey murmured without even thinking in between kisses.   
  
He didn’t care. He’d been an asshole to Ian, and all Ian had wanted was to know that Mickey really did give a shit about him. Mickey understood now. He got it. With Ian gone for these past few months, he’d really learned to understand how much he really truly did care about Ian. He’d learned how much he wanted him and how much he needed him in his life. Ian understood him. Ian didn’t think he was a waste of space like most everyone else in his life. Ian loved him. Mickey couldn’t admit that he felt the same way yet. He’d never told anyone he cared that much about them before. Not Mandy, not his mother before she left, and not Ian. He couldn’t do it yet. There were other things he could say. He couldn’t talk about love, but there were other things. Important things.  
  
“Don’t...” Mickey said when they broke the kiss again. “Don’t leave again. I need you to be here.” Then, much quieter, “I need you.”   
  
Ian froze. He pushed Mickey off of him, eyes scrutinizing him. Mickey saw a look of understanding slowly creep across Ian's face. He could tell that Ian was surprised to hear Mickey actually being truthful about his own feelings. Ian’s eyes were wide. His pupils were still dark with arousal, but now there was something else there. A smile spread across his face, and he lunged at Mickey again, pressing him into the couch cushions as he started kissing him again. Their lips crashed together once more.  
  
They didn’t do this. They didn’t kiss like this, hungry for each other, needing each other. They fucked. That is what they always did. Mickey had never really been allowed to feel his emotions, and was definitely not allowed to act any of them unless there was anger and violence. The Milkovich household wasn’t the Gallagher household. The Gallaghers had to survive against the rest of the world, but they had each other. The Milkoviches, he and Mandy anyway, had to survive against the rest of the world too, but first they had to survive their father. Caring about Ian like this was different from how he’d been raised to act. Fucking could just be fucking, but kissing, like this, there was so much behind it. Mickey understood that now. This was what Ian had needed. It was what they both needed, and for the first time in his life, Mickey wasn't afraid to let Ian know it.   
  
\---   ---   ---   ---   ---  
  
They didn’t fuck. They kissed for a long time and then fell asleep on the couch. If Mickey was honest, he really liked that closeness. There was no fucking way he’d tell anyone else that, but the least he could do was be more honest with Ian about what he wanted. Ian had always been honest with him about wanting things and about the things he needed. Mickey needed things too, and it was only after Ian left that he'd been willing to admit that to Ian – and to himself. And now, with Ian wrapped up in his arms, he was glad he did.   
  



End file.
